Gender Queer is a phenomenal graphic novel (quick review)

    Gender Queer, by Maia Kobabe, is a phenomenal, touching, and elegantly written graphic novel about a gender non-conforming/non-binary person who is also asexual. It is rare enough to get solid representation of and by someone in the non-binary community, but perhaps even more important is the exploration of asexuality and the intertwining dysphoria that accompanies both aspects of the author's experience.

    It covers roughly the first 25 or so years of the author's life, as E [note: E uses Spivak Pronouns] goes from a carefree early life to increasing pressure by the outside world to conform to (and confirm Eir) social gender norms. In addition, the treatment of menstruation, gynecological visits, body dysphoria, and so much more is laid bare for non-binary/asexual readers looking for an image of themselves in media, and for those looking to better understand non-binary and/or asexual experiences.

    One of the things about this graphic novel that was most impactful to me was the somewhat dispassionate (and I mean that as a compliment) style of both the writing and art. There is nothing performative, nothing trying to make some grand point, nothing overly emotional in the presentation. This is almost a journalistic memoir in it's clear, simple retelling of various experiences in Eir life. Rather than undermine the value and insight of the memoir, that style serves to make the actual insight more profound because it is not presented through any intense layers of emotion that might distract or detract for some readers. I found it to be incredibly moving, insightful, and beautiful and the style of both art and writing served it extremely well.

    Many of you may have heard or come across Gender Queer in that conservative media has been bashing it as pornography. It is not. There are some moments where sexual acts are depicted, but they serve as points for unpacking internal experiences, sensations, feelings, and understandings of self. They most definitely are not depicted pornographically or for any eroticism or titillation . Like I said in the paragraph before, the whole thing has a slightly dispassionate, journalistic quality, further emphasizing that this is not porn. 

    Worryingly, even the New York State Education Department came out against this book recently in a disappointing way when the pulled a twitter post from the state librarian championing this book and its personal meaning to her and her child. [Tweet posted below this review for posterity because it has been removed from twitter]. Lauren Moore is the head of all libraries in the state, not just school libraries, but public libraries, research libraries, state university libraries, and was absolutely correct to give this graphic novel a personal shoutout because it is most definitely appropriate to adult, teen, and maybe even some younger readers. It is so disappointing that the government can't even respect freedom from censorship and the LGBTQ+ community in what is supposed to be a liberal state. (And for those who know me, I am risking my job over this post because NYSED was not pleased with me when I wrote to them directly with my concern over their response and statement, but that's a story for another day).

    So although this review is coming out well after the graphic novel was published, I wanted to respond to the March 2022 dust up with New York State and give this graphic novel another bit of positive press. It is a truly beautifully written, drawn, and observed memoir about two underrepresented and frequently misunderstood aspects of the LGBTQ+ continuum. I highly recommend it.

What a beautiful statement that should have been entirely non-controversial.

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Please legitimately purchase or borrow manga and anime. Never read scanlations or watch fansubs. Those rob the creators of the income they need to survive and reduce the chance of manga and anime being legitimately released in English.

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Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto saved my life (Book Review)

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto - 8/10

This was hardly the book where I expected to come in contact with the story of a transgender woman. Written in the 1980s, set in Japan, I picked "Kitchen" up because I heard Banana Yoshimoto was a great author and I try to read as many books by women as I can, and I am trying to broaden the number of Japanese authors I read as well. I had absolutely no idea what the book was about.

"Kitchen" tells the story of Mikage, a young woman whose parents passed away when she was young and who grew up in the care of her grandmother who passes away just as the book opens, leaving her without family or connections or money. Mikage is just a normal young adult, working a job, who is now alone. She will face a choice, a silly little moment one night, where either choice she makes is equally fine, but each choice will lead down a very different path for her and another person. That she recognizes this moment for its significance is the beauty of this novel and the ultimate takeaway for our own lives.

Missed it Monday - Carole & Tuesday Part 2 - too much plot (Anime Review)

Missed it Monday is the weekly column where I review manga or anime that I wasn't able to read or watch when they first came out.

Carole & Tuesday - Part 2 - 5.5/10 (*see full scoring rubric below)

There were things I liked and things I struggled with in regards to Part 1 (read my review here) of Carole & Tuesday. Some of those were improved in Part 2, but there were other structural problems in Part 2 that weren't yet apparent in part 1. Overall, Carole & Tuesday, particularly Part 2, could be best summarized as ambitious but not fully realized. It simply tried to do too much in too little time and didn't giving us deeply constructed characters with rich inner lives. Let's review Part 2:

Missed it Monday - Takane & Hana volume 5 (Manga Review)

"Missed it Monday" is the regular column where I review manga/anime that I didn't get to read/watch when they first came out.

Takane & Hana vol. 5 - 5/10 (*See full scoring rubric below)

I must admit, I was starting to get bored with Takane & Hana as I was reading volume 5 (Shojo Beat/Viz). By now, we're familiar with their shtick. It's fine, but it is very broad comedy in a very light romance. I do like Takane's tsundere-meets-arrogant jack ass personality against her very strong, self-assured, but still very caring personality. However, what I wasn't expecting was a random transgender character from Takane's past who got introduced late in this volume.

So for the sake of brevity with the main review: The art is simple and broad like the comedy. I still have problems with an adult (Takane) being in an arranged marriage arrangement (because they aren't yet married) with a high-schooler (Hana). But nothing romantic is happening, and at least they are doing it with her family's knowledge so it's a bit less icky for that reason. If you like very very broad romantic comedies and the stuff above doesn't bother you, then Takane & Hana is sure to please. Yadda, yadda, yadda, I feel like every review I write of this series says the same thing. So let's talk about Rino, a transgender woman who appears in this volume.

In a Word: Trans - an autobiographical comic collection (LGBTQ+ Comic Review)

"In a Word: Trans" by Justin Hubbell

Today's column is a bit different. Rather than giving a review, I want to highlight a very cool collection of comics by a non-binary transgender person, Justin Hubbell (they/them pronouns) called In a Word: Trans. Like my other columns discussing autobiographical works, I will not give a numeric rating because it is not for me to judge another person's life. Instead, I just want to talk about what this work includes so you can decide if it is something that interests you (and it should!).

In a Word: Trans is a collection of comics, by Justin Hubbell, many of which had been posted online prior to this collection. Others in the collection were done for personal reasons by the artist as part of their own processing over the course of exploring their gender and gender expression.

Our Dreams at Dusk volume 4 makes me wish it was a longer series (Manga Review)

Our Dreams at Dusk vol. 4 - 8/10

I really, really wished I could give this final volume of Our Dreams at Dusk (Seven Seas) a higher rating. But unfortunately, it ends too quickly. So much is jammed into this volume, so much is left unresolved, and so many things happen so quickly that the emotional impact is somewhat diminished.

That being said, it's still a wonderful volume for an incredible series. Our Dreams at Dusk dared to be open and honest about a range of LGBTQ issues in an incredibly realistic fashion. Volume 4 certainly upholds this important value, but doesn't rise to the heights I wish it had simply due to how much happens so quickly.

Volume 4 picks up with the Triangle House near completion. It is decided that it will be inaugurated with the wedding of Saki and Haru. It is also Christmas time, and we get deep insight into Tchaiko's personal life. We meet his partner (who is dying int he hospital) and learn about his partner's son and the intentional distance Tchaiko keeps from him.

Our Dreams at Dusk volume 3 explores the painful complexity of identity (Manga Review)

Our Dreams at Dusk vol. 3 - 9/10

Wow. This was the most challenging and difficult volume in the series so far, but in some ways the most direct about its feelings. Our Dreams at Dusk vol. 3 (Seven Seas) picks up with Tasuku's crush, Tsubaki, spending more and more time helping out with Cat Clutter leading to significant conflict.

While Tasuku and Tsubaki spend more time at Cat Clutter, Tsubaki also starts associating with Tasuku more frequently both in and out of school. This leads Tasuku to begin questioning whether there could ever be something more between them.

However, several times, in several situations, it becomes clear that Tsubaki is struggling with his own identity and lashes out at the LGBTQ+ community as a result. We are left watching as Tasuku gets hurt again and again, but also concerned that Tsubaki might be gay/bi and in denial, punishing himself and those around him in the process of his struggle.

Sarah McBride's heartbreaking memoir: Tomorrow Will Be Different (Book Review)

I was only aware of Sarah McBride in a cursory way before reading her memoir, "Tomorrow Will Be Different." I knew she was a strong advocate for transgender issues but that was about all. I simply had no idea just how intense, dynamic, loving, and devastating her young adulthood has been, just how many years she has lived in such a short amount of time. I also had no idea that this book, while certainly about many issues of importance to the transgender community, wasn't really a book about transitioning at all. Whatever it is about, you need to read this book. I don't say that lightly. I've never cried more when reading a book than I did during this one.

Note: As is my policy when reviewing memoirs and similarly personal accounts of a person's life, I will not do a traditional review with a numeric score nor a standard critique of the content as I would for fiction. How could I, or any one else, judge another person's life story? I want to honor the author's lived reality and so my review is only intended to highlight how I responded to their story. On to the review.

Love Lives Here - an important memoir of a transgender ally (Book Review)

"Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family" is the memoir of Amanda Jette Knox, the mother and wife of a transgender daughter and spouse. She has been active in the advocacy community for years and is an exceptional ally in so many ways. I was overjoyed when she finally published her memoir and eagerly devoured it. As with my reviews of other memoirs and personal stories, I will not do a critical review of the story because who am I to judge someone's real life. Instead, this review is just some thoughts to help you decide if this is a book that you too should read.

In brief, Amanda Jette Knox grew up with some severe mental health and substance abuse challenges despite a supportive family. Her journey to adulthood alone would make a highly compelling memoir and was an exceptional part of this one. As a 16-year-old she met her current spouse, who at the time was still presenting as male.

They built their life together, she working on completing high-school correspondence courses, her spouse working up through the IT industry. From houses to kids, they were building an ideal life. But her spouse was always chronically sad, grumpy, and frustrated.

Missed it Monday - Waiting for Spring volume 1 ends with a tease (Manga Review)

Missed It Monday is a feature where I review manga or anime I didn't get to when they first came out. It's my attempt to see what quality might be out there that I missed.

Waiting for Spring vol.1 - 6.5/10

Waiting for Spring volume 1 (Kodansha Comics) was first published in English in 2017. I've had it on my list to check out since then, but I just didn't know if it would be any good and I wasn't hearing about it anywhere. This week, I finally bought a copy and, you know what, it wasn't bad. It was slightly different, and then...and THEN...I either have trans stuff on the brain or there was definitely a trans-baiting cliff hanger at the end of this volume. But more on that to come.

Waiting for Spring starts to look like it might almost be a reverse harem shoujo story. Mitsuki ends up befriending the four most popular boys in school. They are all on the basketball team and they are every girl's fantasy, apparently. From the beginning though, it appears that it is Asakura who will win Mitsuki's heart.

Laura Jane Grace's Memoir "Tranny" is a powerful and essential read (Book Review)

"Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock's Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout," the memoir by Against Me! singer Laura Jane Grace, is a powerful depiction of life in a band and her struggles to recognize and then accept herself as a transgender woman. As is my practice for all memoirs and autobiographies, I will not be offering a numeric score nor a critical review. How could I ever judge someone's life? Instead, please accept when I tell you that this is a fast paced, well-written, eye-opening, and impactful memoir covering more than 15 years of Laura's life from teen to coming out with the crazy band stuff in the middle!

As I am working through my own transition and slowly coming out, I've been searching for people (in real life and in books) to learn from and find mirrors in. I was familiar with Against Me! from my days in the music industry. Although anarchist punk isn't really what I listen to, several of my clients were heavily influenced by them and were big fans, so I knew they were important. Several years ago, I cheered from afar as Laura Jane Grace came out to the world as a transgender woman. I had no idea what her life had been like, how sad, crippling, and dangerous her journey was.

Starting life as the child of a military father, Laura (who does not shy away from using her deadname while telling her story, but I feel uncomfortable using here so I will go by her chosen name) bounced from town to town, including a long stay in Italy. It was there that her parents separated and she was ultimately raised by her single mom back in Florida. There was no one like her there, it was a conservative swamp away from anything that could bring joy. It was a land of bullying, disenfranchisement, and targeting by police. It was there that Laura put her band together.

Against Me! started as a true DIY indie punk band (not even with a real drum kit!), hell-bent on leading a life in line with its anarchist beliefs. The memoir chronicles their rise to fame, the hatred of old fans when they released an album on a major label, the fights, the drugs (OMG the drugs!), the drinking, the changes in the lineup, the loves, and the losses. It does so in vivid, stark, and forthright passages. Laura admits just how messed up and unpleasant she was. She presents with total honesty and self-reflection of her own role in so many destroyed relationships.

However, during her entire life, going back to a young child, she was aware that there was something different inside and over time experienced harsher and harsher dysphoria. Many times in her life she could not fight the urges to present as a woman, if only in private. On and off, rejecting it, hiding it, denying it, fighting against it, this struggle for acceptance seems intimately woven into the other (often poor) choices she made in life, particularly the high level of drug use, a form of self medication possibly.

The memoir ends with her coming out and losing her wife as a result. It also depicts the horrible double bind that being famous and coming out puts on a trans person, who then must conform anew to what society expects from a transgender person. Rather than allowing Laura the freedom to experiment and explore in safety, she was forced to wear this new persona just as she had worn her old gender: in a way that matched other's expectations. How absolutely crushing that she wasn't given the space she needed at the time.

Perhaps though, the passages that most upset me were her discussion of the process of accessing hormone replacement therapy (HRT). She describes in several painful scenes the barriers put up by psychotherapists and endocrinologists, the acts she had to put on to convince them, and the lack of autonomy they provided her back. It is an absolute travesty that trans health-care is not more accessible and less insistent upon playing stereotypes. Many endocrinologists require that people have "lived" as their new gender for a year before starting hormones. However, what else have they been living their whole lives? They may have been expressing a different gender, but they were always living as whomever they were, even if they hadn't realized it yet or chosen to publicly express it. The requirement to be wearing a wig and a dress, as Laura was made to do, just to convince someone else of your gender is unconscionable.

It's hard to tell exactly, but by the end of the memoir, it appears that Laura is settling into her continued transition and the new realities as well as a new era for her music. The whole book is interesting, fast-paced, vividly described and a window into a complex and nearly tragic life. Whether you are looking to understand one person's journey as a trans women or a lover of popular music and curious about the inner workings of the industry, this memoir succeeds. As a combination of both, it is excellent.

While I didn't find as many direct parallels into my own journey with Laura's story as I have with others, there are so many powerful and eye-opening moments that I am so glad I read it. This is a must-read.

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How I imagine my first HRT appointment going

Don't mind the crappy artwork, just me having fun! Here's the full strip if you want it that way:

Feel free to spread it around, just credit www.yuristargirl.com if you don't mind!

also, feel free to follow me on twitter @yuristargirl

"Yes, You Are Trans Enough' By Mia Violet is a vital and needed book.

I'm not sure who made the recommendation, but thanks to the twitter, I bought (and then devoured), Mia Violet's memoir/trans-affirmation story "Yes, You Are Trans Enough" (Jessica Kingsley Publishers). This is a vital and essential text for trans-individuals. My hunch is that it will be particularly helpful to trans women like myself because it is so personally written about the experience of growing up and transitioning in adulthood, when so many possibilities still exist but the pain might be greater as well.

The book chronicles Mia's childhood, perceived and raised as a boy in the UK, in what sounds like a fairly blue-collar environment. Her childhood was marred by the teasing, harassment, and physicality of boys and her own unwavering sense of out-of-place-ness. It includes an aborted coming-out to her mother at 14, and finally, in her mid-twenties, unable to contain it any longer, a full coming out including social and medical transition. 

This book provides so much, on so many levels. First, it is important to have as many diverse trans narratives as possible. Even to this day, the media still has a tendency to highlight early child-hood transition or those children whose sense of being a trans person is clear to them at an early age. But that is far from the only narrative. Seeing the early childhood narrative predominate causes real harm to those trans individuals who didn't have that clarity in their toddler years and may who come to doubt that what they are feeling now (at whatever age), is truly a concrete sense of their gender because it arrived later than others'. 

I am one of those individuals who despite knowing that everything in my life was off, just not right, and that boys were a different species, way back in my elementary years, still had no sense that I was a girl like those young and certain trans children in the media stories. By high-school I was getting some glimmers of what my feelings meant, but that was in the 90s and transgender wasn't a term I had ever heard. It would never have occurred to me that someone could transition. If you had asked me, I still wouldn't have known I was a girl.

I was 21, in the early 2000s before I finally had that "ah ha!" moment and realized that I was a girl. And yet, even then, I found it hard to believe and accept in full, in large part because I STILL hadn't heard the word transgender, didn't know anyone like me, didn't hear any stories like mine, and knew nothing about transitioning.

Now, at 38, I am just taking my first steps towards transitioning, having spent the last decade coming to fully accept that I really am a trans girl (and not believing that I could ever transition until just last year). Experiences like those, filled with doubt, are just a small piece of what Mia Violet means when she says "Yes, You Are Trans Enough." This is the book that I wish I had had in middle-school (or earlier! - maybe a YA version!). 

I wonder, much as Mia does at times, what having more information, more diverse narratives, more representation, more health instruction, more visibility might have done to speed things up, to keep from losing time - my teens and 20s and 30s as a girl which I will never get back. (Time is a horrible horrible burden that so many trans people face when unfairly critiquing their lives before transition, getting stuck on what wasn't rather than on what will be in the future).

But Violet does more than just present an important counter-narrative to the childhood transition. She explores the vastly dehumanizing medical gatekeeping processes of the British health system. We see her astonishing sympathy for a family that does not readily accept her. She also exposes the horrendous depths of inner turmoil that many trans people face. And importantly, she talks about how she took control over her own life and mind to lead a life of affirmation. Certainly not all trans individuals will experience as much or the same types of dysphoria, anxiety, worry, and other emotions as Violet did, but I was astounded by how closely some of her terms and phrases and images replicated with my own thought patterns in similar circumstances.

Most recently, having just started my electrolysis, I was flooded with crushing emotions walking out of the office after the first full visit. I know I am a girl, I want to transition, I know that getting rid of my facial hair is incredibly important to me, so why then did this wonderful occasion spark such negative feelings, feelings of doubt, feelings of being a monster, feelings of worry about being victimized? Well, Mia felt many of those same feelings the night she got her first HRT pills in the mail. Reading that not only Mia, but many other trans people, often feel this incredibly complex and overwhelming flood of emotion right before or after critical steps in their process helped me to reevaluate my own feelings and come out the other side more quickly. I thank her so desperately for that.

From the childhood bullying, to feeling out of place around boys, to the goth/rocker persona, to the aborted coming out to a parent, to finally not being able to keep it in any more, Mia Violet's narrative felt similar to my own, giving me a mirror and a model where I had none before. Certainly this is but one of countless narratives, so your journey may be entirely different, but the underlying feelings, doubts, supports, and realizations are likely to resonate. 

Further, the structure of the book is well done with periodic breaks in the overarching chronological narrative that allow Violet to speak for a paragraph or two about some issue in general, provide background on various trans topics, or even ruminate on life lessons before returning to the story.  The writing is brisk and very readable, so combined with a critical narrative and important general information, it makes "Yes, You Are Trans Enough" a strong read.

Even for those readers who are not trans themselves, there is so much on offer here. This may be one of the closest those readers will come to living in a trans person's head without the unnecessary (and perhaps deceitful) drama of a TV production or movie. This is one real person's real life, told with introspection and humor but also episodes of darkness. But it never stoops to playing on the reader's emotions. She is simply sharing in the hopes others will benefit from her story. It is straightforward, insightful, revealing, hopeful, and affirming all at once. I am so very glad I read this, and only wish I had had it in my life much much sooner! Thank you Mia Violet for sharing your ongoing journey. This is one trans girl who is incredibly grateful to you and looks up to you with all her heart!

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